I've been told by someone nearby (at least in Internet terms) that unless I write more blog posts, I will be decommissioned with a pair of pliers. So, in order to fulfill my goal of retaining all my body parts, I will forgo my usual dinner of chum-sicles and I will create another post.

But first, I have to tell you about THE CONSUMER.

Long ago and far away (a couple of weeks ago and a block from here) there was A STORE. In this store there was A WORLD CONQUEROR, who was attempting to maintain his ruse as a simple citizen selling expensive things to people with too much money. Little did he know, that no amount of secret societies could save him from a horrid fate. In strolled THE CONSUMER. This was a terrifying 5'8" middle aged man who spoke naught but the words of the ANCIENT PANDEMONIUM, pulled from the very grey matter of H.R. Giger, H.P. Lovecraft, and other scary visual and literary artists WHO HAVE INITIALS FOR NAMES.

There was confrontation as order and anarchy were inexorably drawn close. At first there were volleys of bedlam - premeditated attacks by THE CONSUMER. But after a harsh return fire of structured reason and law by THE WORLD CONQUEROR, there began the CARPET-BOMBING OF MADNESS. Opposites clashed as each attempted to establish control over the land, and the lives and fortunes of its people. As the two forces fought, their resources became fewer and fewer, until only the last weapons remained: PROTEAN CHAOS and AN EXPLODING BOWL OF STEW.

THE CONSUMER was the first to strike. BEHOLD HIS WORDS OF OUTRIGHT INCOHERENCE: "Does the shutter need to be open for the camera to take a picture?"

And lo, the EXPLODING BOWL OF STEW was thrown. And there was much rejoicing.

i have to ESCAPE

In other news, for X-mas, I got a 1980 Technics RS-M6 tape deck. It has a hydraulic tape loader, analog needle meters, a three digit mechanical counter, two mono microphone inputs, and a three position tape selector: Ferro-Chrome tape, Chrome tape, and Normal tape. It even comes with built-in Dolby-B Noise Reduction. I think what turns me on is the fact that it is one of the last working pieces of audio equipment that is made mostly out of metal, instead of the cheapness of the all-plastic audioware of today. I just made up the word audioware.

I proudly proclaim to the world that I am a true technophile. Old and new, I love it all.



In Strict Confidence - Exile Paradise - Away From Here

7

i'm being reprogrammed, and i've lost my teddy bear

So, with the holiday season well in hand, those that are forced to deal with the public are being subjected to the PWSNBS: People Who Should Not Be Seen.

Please keep in mind I'm only referring to the people who deliberately do not take care of themselves. These are the people who I can smell before I can see them. These are the people who do not take care of their teeth at all. I know that some of you may be eating while reading this post like I normally do, but I've seen people who have such a [this segment of the blog has been sanitized for your protection and happiness], rather than individual teeth.

What is it going to take to get people to think of dental hygiene? I know what it's going to take to make people care about dental hygiene.

FULL CONTACT NAKED FLOSSING. WITH TRADING CARDS.

Everybody on everybody. Mostly oral.



Cause & Effect - The Sunrise EP - Into The Light

7

there is a shortcut to England

Aside from the general no-free-time state of the holidays, one of the other reasons why I haven't posted is because one of the power grids near me blew up. Yes, you heard me. BLEW...UP.

I didn't quite see the cause, but I saw the effect the moment it happened. Billowing black smoke, and flames nearly a hundred feet high. Just to give you an idea of what it looked like: Picture your standard fireplace fire with your gasoline-soaked logs. Now, picture those really, really tall power line towers. (Not the wood ones near the street, the steel grid towers that you see going through empty areas.) And now superimpose that fireplace fire on top of the steel grid towers so that - in your mind - the fires are taller than the towers. That's what it looked like.

The resulting fire burned through 10,000 gallons of oil over the course of 18 + hours (yes, power stations do have oil in them) and covered Beaverton in a blanket of smoke. What's really interesting is that mine wasn't so special, another power station in Portland did exactly the same thing at the same time.

Now, before you look back on my blog posts and make comments about me and heavy weaponry, I would like you to refer to the blog title. Destroying power is not my gig. Using my two Percheron shoes, walking/riding into Portland, drinking coffee until I hallucinate and waking up in some unknown suburb with my Percheron shoes eating a Fred Meyer store - THAT'S my gig.


Razed In Black - Damaged (Disc 2) - Blush v2

7

a tiny white mouse fitted with anti-gravity jets

I know that I don't post a lot, and I'm clearly not posting on other people's blogs. I am the suck.

(THE EVIL GREEN SAUSAGE COMMANDS ME.)

I was recently pulled into a classroom by a policeman who wanted me to point out to the next generation why the mystery man on the video - the one with a chainsaw in both hands - was doing something against the law and was wrong. The answer unto which was - "He didn't have his pinkies extended whilst wielding the chainsaws."

(THE EVIL GREEN SAUSAGE COMPELS ME.)

With that, and my foil - a talking otter by the name of Goofball - I proudly go forth into places I haven't ever gone before. Goofball sort of keeps me on the good side. But even he recognizes that when hoods come near my car with lead pipes that there needs to be some serious thrashing. Ha ha! Sinister plot twist.

(THE EVIL GREEN SAUSAGE POKES ME.)

Now, before you come after me for my apparent disability to distinguish reality from fiction, I should let you know that I didn't set my fists on fire and use them to go after the hoods. That's why my otter has his flying Onionhead turban, and I have chainsaws. Chainsaws with burning alcohol on their incomprehensibly quick rotating bladed chains.

(THE EVIL GREEN SAUSAGE MICROMANAGES ME.)

Now, most people would say that after the crime element has left the immediate zip code, that one should stop wielding the flaming timber implements. But moderation, as Heinlen once said, "...is for monks." And so yay verily, I ground my chainsaws into the asphalt, and raced myself across I-5 down to the Portland Airport, and all the way back to Portland State University. Whereupon both my chainsaws exploded from overuse and the fishes started to go in and out of people's ears.

(THE EVIL GREEN SAUSAGE IS SOMEWHERE ON I-5.)

And, just as my clothes are extinguished by the espresso-wielding college yuppies, I am pulled into a classroom by a policeman who wanted me to point out to the next generation why the mystery man on the video - the one with a chainsaw in both hands - was doing something against the law and was wrong.

Coldplay - X & Y - Talk

7

my cash register is made of rubber

goat



Depeche Mode - Songs Of Faith And Devotion - In Your Room

7

run free with the cabinet speaker on your shoulder