One of the things I'm going to throw into the mix is screen shots of some of the my favorite oddball movies and the quote that makes the scene funny. Just because I can.

I'm also posting another pic of Anya. I'm sorry about the picture quality - I had to remove Anya from the background of the original picture, which just wasn't suitable for anyone of any age.






Fictional - Fiction - The Weatherman

7

you really don't wanna know

*twitch*



*convulse*



*fidget*



*spasm*


Whoooooooooo. Wow.

Um, well. Okay. Remember, when I exposed everything I had on Anya? You know, the whole risking life and limb post?

Well.

SHE FOUND IT.

I seriously expected something VIOLENT. Maybe even a scenario where she tries a guilt move. I half expected to just come home at some point, and there'd she be, pouting, all watery-eyed, and stuttering, "You.... you......" And then suddenly she'd be sucking the blood out of the stumps of my severed arms.

I'd have to say, in retrospect, I'm really proud of Anya. Her revenge was more fear-striking than all those times she hid in my closet and jumped out at me a la Calvin and Hobbes. I'm still *twitching*.

Here's the scenario:

I'm walking into my apartment. I'm practically expecting assault. That's Anya's AFFECTION. Up, down, sideways, there's no direction she hasn't tried. I am curiously afraid when she's NOT THERE. But I can smell her, I know she's there.

I close the door, and take no more than three steps, when she BOUNDS towards me in nothing more than her fuzzy birthday suit and an elated smile which, no matter how you look at her toothy muzzle, still looks vaguely threatening.

She grabs both my hands, plants them directly on her belly and jubilantly announces:






"YOU'RE GOING TO BE A DADDY!!!!"







I awoke face down on the carpet, with Anya lying towards me, staring me directly in the eyes. "You screamed like a little girl until you passed out," she smugly PURRED, "You practically screamed five years off your life."

She hoisted me up and hugged me off the ground. "Got ya. Kiss and make up?"

I felt instant relief as I kissed her and she popped my spine in ten places.

"So.... you're... you're not......"

I was interrupted by large wet tongue across my face. "Did you know..... you're very affectionate after you fall asleep?"

She dropped me on the floor and walked into the kitchen. "Hey! You didn't answer me! Are you? Are YOU?!"

I still haven't gotten an answer.

She's going to kill me, one way or the other.... you all know that, right?



Eurythmics - Touch - Who's That Girl?

7

the meaning of life has something to do with sandwiches

Sometimes those happen around here. But that's not why I'm writing.

I've created the world's first Listerine (c) based flame-thrower.

Mmmmmmm.

Minty-fresh destruction!



Cause & Effect - Innermoststation - Radiolaria

7

i'll buy your kidneys for $100

Now, everybody needs something to do. A hobby, something to occupy the blank spaces in their lives. An activity that they enjoy in stark contrast to the work that one must do to survive.

Most people are satisfied with things like collecting, outdoor sports, miscellaneous social events, filming themselves while they sleep and then selling the rights to Hollywood. I, on the other hand, ACCEPT NOTHING LESS THAN THE FANTASTIC.

So, in the grand tradition (if you can call it that) of the ways of Seven, I went out and joined a secret organization for those who get bored easily. Yes, yes, I know that when somebody talks about this organization, they are immediately silenced. I have been assured by the panting giant fuzzball of a girl that the legion of retributive agents will be messily eaten.

This is the Urban Ninja Clan of Legendary Enigmas. Nobody truly knows who an UNCLE agent is until it is too late. Unlike many numbers of ninja clans, the UNCLEs do not promote a reservation of your abilities until they are needed. Their philosophy is, "If you've got the power, use it. Both in public and in the shadows. After all, the punishment for discovery is the same in either circumstance."

I figured, what the hell. It would be something to occupy my time, and give me a reason to take advantage of the mostly-bovine-esque public. I quickly learned that this is not the sort of institution for just ANYONE. You have to have deftness of fingers, silence of approach, mastery of concealment, and superhuman control over timing.

While I was definitely accepted because of my unique abilities, I wasn't enough to get into the upper echelon - those that really had something to do with world events. That was okay, I'll wind up owning UNCLE anyway. Of course, after my posting, I'll be UNCLE enemy number 1, so I technically am not a member anymore.

The most amount of fun was the third-stage initiation and final training course. This is when we new recruits had to complete a list of 100 feats that involved all four abilities that I listed above, plus the ability to adapt to a quickly changed scenario.

Here were some of my favorites.

#27) Withdraw $50 from subject's bank, forge the withdrawal slip so that it appears as if the subject had withdrawn the money himself, then place the $50 and withdrawal slip into the subject's wallet without their knowledge. Time For Completion: 5 Minutes.

#55) Disappear in front of three separate people. Success means they cannot find you.

#62) "Borrow" several wealthy persons' sets of clothing and jewelry from their homes at 11:30 PM. Go out on the town. Return all their clothing and jewelry back to their original states by 4:30 AM.

#76) In your right pants pocket is an eight-second smoke bomb. You must casually, and publicly, walk past an attractive female in public. During the eight seconds of smoke screen you will have, you must remove her shirt and bra, lick both nipples, and disappear without a trace. Time For Completion: 8 Seconds.

Oh, I loved that last one. Ladies, when you're wondering where the guys are that can competently remove a bra - they walk among you. You just don't know they're there.

And now, I have to sign off. Anya is rolling on the floor, groaning and clutching her stomach, because she is only now realizing that there is a limit to how many UNCLE agents you can eat in a single sitting.


KMFDM - Attak - Urban Monkey Warfare [[sabotage, underground, camouflage!!]]

7

there is no plan b. not even the toothfairy revolution

There appears to be a sudden interest in Miss Little Carnivore. While I may not be able to physically retaliate when she yanks me off my feet and chews on me with my back pinned to the wall, I can certainly get her back in another way.

So, we're going to take this public- and camera-shy girl and throw her directly into the spotlight!



Here's the werechick in review:

REAL NAME: Anya Machnov Ilyanovich

FAMILY HISTORY: While although born and raised in the Sierra Nevadas, California, her parents hopped aboard a freighter heading back to the USA from Russia, where generations of their family were often known as part of the "Wolves of Winter."

D.O.B: 7/4/83 (That's right! Fourth of July!)

HEIGHT: 5'10" (Human-looking); 6'5" (Werewolf)

WEIGHT: She refuses to step on a scale. But my guess, from her throwing me around, she's in the neighborhood of 230 lbs when she's all fuzzy.

MEASUREMENTS: 34D-24-36 (Human; I haven't had a chance to measure her when she's all fuzzy. I am risking life and limb by posting that, you know.)

BODY TYPE: Lean, athletic.

FUR COLOR: A blend of brown, gray and white.

CLAW LENGTH: 3 inches.

MAIN CANINE TEETH LENGTH: 1 1/2 inches.

FAVORITE FOOD: You know what that is.

FAVORITE NON-HUMAN-MEAT FOOD: She's being introduced to the world of human cuisine. Right now, what really gets her begging is any "all-meat" cold cut hoagie. Second to that is spaghetti.

FAVORITE MUSIC: She doesn't really like any sort of genre or band. She just picks out songs she likes. Some of her favs: "Riveted" by Monochrome, "Dead Man's Party" by Oingo Boingo, "Evil" by Interpol, "Drunken Lullabies" by Flogging Molly.

FAVORITE HOBBY: Aside from acting like she's the master, and I'm the pet - she loves to watch people. If she needs cheering up, I grab my laptop, head on down to one of the dozens of sidewalk cafes in Portland, sit her down, and goof off while she just stares at everyone.

FAVORITE CLOTHES: Loose clothing - she hates tight clothes, and larger shirts are more flexible for someone who can add seven inches to her height in under a minute.

HOW HER FAVORITE DAY WOULD BE: A lazy, sunny day, naked sunbathing after a large meal in a quiet forest with friends.

DISLIKES: Hospitals, cameras, "thrash metal" music, smoke (car exhaust, cigarettes, fires, etc), being touched while eating, car salesmen, spiders, mushrooms.

HOW WE MET:
    Originally, she was part of my now-defunct project to genetically enhance, and then breed superior were-creatures that could use the seed or egg of any human. Unfortunately, there were certain elements we couldn't change, and sometimes our changes wound up turning into overwhelming mental problems. A lot of subjects turned into either psychopathic killers, sex maniacs, or turned severely autistic. The few that didn't die or kill themselves turned out to be fantastic creatures. Even in our success though, the cost of maintaining such a project was simply too much.
    One day, I was driving down to the coast, when I felt like I was being watched. Sure enough, after several stops on the trip, I spotted Anya stalking me from the bushes and shrub-filled forest. Casually, I grabbed my Canon XT Digital SLR camera with telephoto lens, and began taking pictures of the scenery. Then, I whipped around and took her picture.



    She jumped out of the bushes, and plowed me over, shattering the Canon. Grabbing me by my shirt, she flung me into oncoming traffic to kill me. I woke up that night to the sound of cracking, as she was taking the time to break my camera into even smaller bits. I saw the camera card and grabbed it. And then two glowing yellow eyes bored into mine.
    She told me how she hates having her picture taken. Even concussed, I still managed to slip in something about that being a shame, because she was so pretty. A little shameless buttering up never hurt anyone. She told me  that even though she had never seen me before, she had caught my scent and remembered smelling it from a compound where she was enticed to be part of an experiment. I was alive because she was fascinated as to why I didn't die like most humans would have after that sort of abuse.



    I explained who I was, and soon we were just talking. When dawn broke, I invited her to my place for a well-needed bath. And the rest, is history. It turns out that she was one of the more successful experiments. She's no longer vulnerable to silver (she's vulnerable to another metal, but only I know what it is), and the tensile strength of her flesh magnifies both her strength and speed. Even after these successes, she still goes berserk on a full moon, and when she bites, breaks the skin, and tastes your blood, you slowly turn into a werewolf. The other aspects of the experimentation that we were unable to verify as successes were the possibility of extended lifespan, and the translation of the new genetic modifications unto those bitten.

And now, you know Anya.

Here's hoping she never finds this post.

For those of you wondering, we have a couple of house rules between the two of us. She's not to mark my things as her territory, and I'm not to take pictures of her as a human. That's apparently how she hunts, a "wolf in people's clothing."


Evil's Toy - Virtual State - Inside Out

7













can you hear it?