I know what you people need. You need more pictures.

One of the things that I do in my spare time - you know, when not actively trying to get the ganja-munchkins from eating my place of residence - is websurf until the Internet tells me to stop. I don't mean that my ISP tells me to stop. The WHOLE INTERNET COMES TOGETHER AND UNIFORMLY THWARTS FURTHER ATTEMPTS OF MY PERUSAL OF ALL HUMAN KNOWLEDGE.

But during these brief episodes of websurfing, I manage to collect photos of that which pleases me. Or of things that hurt my soul. Both will do. These pictures need to be posted. You will view them.




Siouxsie And The Banshees - Once Upon A Time - Happy House

7

pushing another red button

Hi there people. I'm just writing to let you know that my ISP is getting flaky, and they've already decided to cut my contract with them short - as of this August 1. So, if I don't show up as frequently as I used to, I'm just between ISPs.

So, as consolation, I will now sing.

Earth!
Fire!
Wind!
Water!
Heart!
Go Planet!

By your powers combined, I am CAPTAIN PLANET!

Captain Planet, he's a hero, gonna take pollution down to zero.
He's our powers, magnified, and he's fighting on the planet's side.
Captain Planet, he's a hero, gonna take pollution down to zero.
Gotta help him put asunder, bad guys who like to loot and plunder!

(You'll pay for this, Captain Planet!)

Inner Circle - One Way - Bad Boys

7

the bagel whisperer

I have one of those Kapoosh Knife Blocks. The ones where it doesn't matter where you stick the knife. There will be much laughter tonight and many stabby stabbies. Editor With A KNIFE.

7

you, burgerlord!

I was just reading the label on my label marking pen, and I just had to post what I read on this blog.

Now, before I go on about Chinese to English translation - I would just like the world to know that I know how hard both languages are. If I was suddenly transplanted into China, the only legitimate word I know is "Nihao" (hello). People would think that I was the most polite, starving man they've ever seen. I would be forced to eat restaurant dumpster dinners, and drink nothing but rainwater. So keep in mind that I'm not mocking the Chinese's ability to translate, but just the funny outcome of their efforts.

Now that we've got that understanding - this is what my pen reads as, VERBATIM:

* Available for any surface.
* Please close the cap after use.
* Special ingredient of ink, permanent and less effect of pollution.
* Keep out of children.
* Convenient to mark.
* May not be washed if staining clothes incautiously.

(Note: Do not write on reading side of disk. Printing side is available only.)

In that order, and in those words precisely. Now, this may not be the funniest thing you've ever read, so I'm going to include a list of warning labels I've seen.

On A "Rowenta" Iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On A Korean Kitchen Knife: "Keep out of children."
On A Japanese Food Processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
On American Airlines Packet of Nuts: "Open bag, eat nuts."
On A Swedish Chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
On A Hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."

I'm fairly certain that there's more, and I'm also fairly certain that my faithful readers will post them as comments. I'm just fairly certain.

Violent Femmes - Why Do Birds Sing? - American Music

7

sleeping the american dream

This whole incident occurred at least three years ago. At the time, there was an opening of a "Nature's Northwest" store in Lake Oswego, Oregon. For those of you who've never been to Oregon, or have heard of the store, it is an ultra-healthy grocery store with a focus on organic, free trade, and vegetarian needs. While the store does have meat, is is either "free-range," "organic," or otherwise "local."

Anyhow, when we (my Mom, brother, and I) first walked into the store, there was the deli to the right, and the fresh fruit/veggie grocery to the left. The first part of the itinerary was to shop for veggies. The very first thing into the cart was a single red bell pepper. As we shopped the store, we discovered - increasingly with each and every section - that the prices were astronomical. Organic and free-range does cost a little more in grocery chains, but this was an entire store of organic, and the prices were roughly double to triple that of what you would find in the average store.

What we also discovered was that there was an abundance of health foods that we were simply not going to delve into, like soy (or goat's) milk, strange herbal teas, and on and on. All throughout this entire two hour tour through the ultra-healthy store, all that remained in the cart was the single red bell pepper.

After we walked past the freezers full of hemp waffles, we walked towards the cash registers, with a shopping cart full of - you guessed it! - a single red bell pepper. Mother had made me push a shopping cart with one red bell pepper around the store for two hours.

AND THEN MOTHER HAD THE CHUTZPAH TO TELL ME TO PUT THE BELL PEPPER BACK. AFTER PUSHING IT AROUND FOR TWO HOURS IN A SHOPPING CART.

I, of course, absolutely refused. My brother had to put the bell pepper away. And so now, whenever I twitch at the sight of a red bell pepper, you now know why.

Sting - Brand New Day - Desert Rose

7

who's ben green?!