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Hello. This is Anya writing. Seven is drunk. I'm putting him to bed.

As much as I hate this thing, I'm going to use this opportunity to embarrass Seven. What is the American tradition? When the man is passed out, you do something to him? I have already tried the marker, but he just laughed. He didn't wash it off, either.

So, as he is passed out, and drooling on my shoulder, I will say this: he loves it when I talk to him like he's a big doggie. "Who is a cute doggie?" "Who wants a belly rub? WHO WANTS A TUMMY RUB?? You do!!" "Who is my little wuffie?" And he cannot resist my scratching behind his ears.

I am guessing, based on how he is sleeping, that he can barely feel, he is so drunk. I am going to spank his butt.

I am going to go tie him down in bed, so that this can be up for a couple of days before he gets to it.

Something goes here.

Anya <------This is me

And then he says something weird here.

...feeding my kids BBQ riblets with a slingshot. Vanya, Pyotr, Nikita, Andrii (the boys), Zina, Tanya, Sasha, and Natasha (the girls) line up on the other side of the house, and I take chunks of cooked meat, dunk them in the bucket of Jack Daniel's BBQ sauce, load them up in my Pro Diablo II Slingshot, and fling the meat in the general direction of their mouths. It's like a game of Frisbee (tm) and dinner all rolled into one.

When Anya first saw this - it was only my quick thinking of scratching behind her ear until she collapsed in euphoria with her left leg pumping up and down like there was no tomorrow - that saved me from a severe chewing out. And you think of that as a saying.

Before she passed out from exhaustion, she mentioned how she didn't want the kids licking dried BBQ sauce and meat from the walls.

So that's why I'm in your house. Flinging meat at my children, who are in front of your walls. And leather chairs. Oh how they love to jump on leather chairs in the pursuit of meat.


The Replicants - Konya Wa Hurricane

7

memorize the copyright information, you will be quizzed on this

There's still so many mysteries of human behavior, despite the enormous surfeit of experts in the field.

Right now, I can't really describe the reason why I'm watching bad TV, and somehow enjoying it. Maybe it's masochism. I could be in a funk from the perpetually grey sky, damp weather, and the extra work trying to keep the world from falling apart.

All I want right now, is to sit in this chair, and watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force, commonly known as the most intellectually vacuous material of this new millennium.

Hmmmm....

And yet, somehow, it is also more intellectual than soap operas and reality TV. So I guess I haven't hit an all new low. But I do know that I do not feel like moving. Not happy, not sad, not anything. I don't even feel like taking Anya's suggestion that I need to kill somebody.


Cause & Effect - The Sunrise EP - Stay

7

i am the poster boy for cheese whiz

Anya looked at me, paused in the action of bringing a forkful of fine steak to her mouth. "Darling, I want you to know that I love you, unconditionally."

We were in one of the finer restaurants in Portland. The reason why you don't know about it, is because it is for the upper, upper elite. The, ahem, actual world rulers. Sure, the clientele is small, but the atmosphere is amazing. For this occasion, even Anya is sporting her human visage, which she reserves for only two occasions: scouting people to eventually hunt down and eat, and putting up the ultra-rare facade for me.

Her long, silky white hair blended seamlessly into her sparkling white dress. For this dinner, she even got ivory stiletto heels. Unfortunately for me, the table was a few inches too low.

But much like my pants/table problem, Anya was having a problem finishing her dinner. Her fork remained exactly where it was.

"I just want you to know that I love every part of you. There isn't a part of you I'd change." She leaned over and kissed me. "The only thing I won't do is build a shrine complete with plastic replica. I'll romp you in bed so hard you won't be able to walk until morning. And I brag about you to all my girlfriends."

I'm sitting there, smiling, not looking at her. "Dear girl, it drives me crazy to spend more than an hour out of earshot from you. I do suppose that I have a problem articulating my feelings for you. I've never had someone to gush over before. But I do treasure and love you more than I show."

Anya gestured to the other side of the table with the fork still spearing the steak. "Then why him?"

On the other side of the table was a middle-aged man, experiencing hairline recession and a waistband that was catching up with his age. As he was here as a guest of mine, he was still wearing his casual accountant-wear, in stark contrast to the four and five digit suits and dresses that common this restaurant. His round glasses definitely magnified the welling of tears in his eyes. He was trying extremely hard not to burst into tears.

I smiled as the man sat there and tried desperately hard to keep his pants together. "I just had to have a field test."

Anya's face squinched. "You put elephant trunk muscles into his penis!"

I nodded, "And apparently, much like the myth, these muscles do have a memory."

The accountant finally broke into hysterics. "IT'S SHOVING DINNER ROLLS UP MY ASS!!!!"

The pants finally tore, and a penis with the length and grace of a snake shot across the table and grabbed a bun. "OHMYGODNOTANOTHERONE!!!!"


Beastie Boys - Sounds Of Science - Shake Your Rump

7

there's still a bug stuck in there from last time

Every now and again my darling feels the urgent need to drag me outside. And not just any outside. The SIBERIAN WILDERNESS. Why the hell did I have to go and purchase that first edition Blackbird Stealth Jet?

It is -10 outside, and I'm just hoping that there will be no wind chill factor. I'm fashionably dressed in my black leather trenchcoat, a red scarf and enough heavy clothes to fill an Eddie Bauer store. My crazy werechick is in the buff. But buff for her is a couple of inches of thick fur.

And she's enjoying this. Her "getting out and stretching," and "enjoying the peace of nature." It is dead quiet outside, as even the animals are indoors by the fire.

I smiled behind her back, and watched as she stretched, and took that first step.

Her right leg continued on its path, and right out from underneath her. Her surprised yelp echoed throughout the forest as she landed on her cute tush. With the grace of a practiced hunter, she sniffed the ground.

"Butter?"

She ran on all fours in a circle, sniffing trees, the ground, and a nearby frozen creek. "You've... buttered... NATURE?!?!"

She turned around to see what I've been doing while she was taking in the scenery. I was now sporting a double tank on my back, with the hose leading to the heavily modified flame thrower in my gauntlet-clad hands. Her jaw dropped as she gazed upon my protective mask.

My gut clenched as a flashback of a masked Anya tearing open my stomach with her claws temporarily blinded me.

I leveled the gun at her, "More and more things and people in the world..."

The torrent from the gun sent Anya flying into a tree, where she was pinned by the pressure. I gave her three seconds more.

Carefully, I walked over to my steaming hot, soaking wet Anya, who was rubbing her eyes and gasping for air.

In one motion, I lifted my protective mask, grabbed her muzzle and kissed her on the lips.

"...need to be slathered with butter."



Naviara feat. DK Dance - Forgive And Forget - Forgive And Forget

7

narf = zort = poit