A lot of people ask me questions. Quite often their curiosity is quelled, rather than sated.
However, when a machine asks me questions, the insanity never ends. If you have a blog on Google, and you go into the personal profile section, you'll notice down on the bottom of the page - a random question generator.
I have answered a number of these questions because I am out of my mind with pain and delirium from having the flu. I really don't know if anybody really benefits from this being posted, but hey.
Q) Which is more important to you and why: flexibility or expandability?
A) Flexibility. Knowing what to do with what you've got is better than going out and finding better.
Q) What did you dream when you ate a spider while sleeping?
A) I think that was the dream where I killed Freddy Krueger with an oversized pie cutter.
Q) How is an ankle unlike a consequence?
A) I will give you $100 to never ask me that question again.
Q) The children are waiting! Please tell them the story about the bald frog with the wig.
A) That's not a question. That's the answer the age-old puzzle of how is a mouse when it spins.
Q) That can't really be a fish you're standing on, can it?
A) After tax deductions and the scrutiny of several dozen skeptics, one can come to the conclusion that I am actually standing on a fish.
Q) Try writing your name with your other hand. Where was that person raised?
A) He still hasn't been raised.
Q) When you spilled the milk, did it look like the moon?
A) Yes, and that's when I turned into a female werewolf shaman named Zarate. I don't spill milk anymore.
Q) You pajamas have duckies on them. Why did you switch from choo-choos?
A) The duckies can be removed and used as grenades. Have you ever tried to throw a train as a grenade-like weapon?
Q) Lionesses have no manes. How do they know when they've grown up?
A) I must restrain from answering because there are children in the audience.
Q) How tall would you be if you had never cut your fingernails?
A) 8'6". But that's only if I never actually passed college.
Q) For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note.
A) Dear Aunt,
Thank you for the rooster-shaped maple syrup dispenser. There are now several dozen sugar-activated hyper children that have been shipped by air-mail to the care of the current Prime Minister of France. I don't know why, it just seemed like a good idea.
Q) You can punch a hole in an apple using a straw. How do you think that makes your milkshake feel?
A) It gets jealous, and spills itself in an effort to turn me into Zarate, the female werewolf shaman. After killing the fanboys (because shamans don't need to wear shirts - you just don't do it) and using their blood to fuel the ritual magic that I now know, I then go to 7-11 stores and freak out the clerks with topless blood rituals.
7
zarate paints your face and her own with the blood of ten dozen men who dared touch her chest
