By the time you read this, I will have had 500 visitors! Whoot! It's time to celebrate with Jim Beam and the Reverend Jack Daniels! Nothing under 80 Proof!

The Icicle Works - The Best Of - Birds Fly (Whisper To A Scream)

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You scream, I scream, we all scream for blue accent lighting!

Sorry, I just had to get that out. I bought myself this great lamp with blue ceramic lamp shades. It is the freaking awesome.

How many of you know about the Bulwer-Lytton Awards? Those are the awards that are given out to those that come up with some of the worst book-starting sentences in the world. I FREAKING LOVE THOSE CONTESTS. The pure *BUTCHERY* of metaphor, the *MUTILATION* of abstraction, the literary *SAVAGE BEATING* handed out to each and every reader....it's just classic.

As such, I feel compelled to add to this collection of trainwreck-esque collection of sentences with my own absurdities-made- text.

"Ohhh, I remember those days - it was as if the taste of scotch tape would never run out."

"As his computer hummed and whirred in the background, the sinister websurfer pondered in his black mechanical chair, what it would feel like if someone put an ice cube down his shirt."

"I don't honestly know how I got the whole goat into my computer case with only half a tub of crisco, but it was well worth the award."

"The hobo poked me again with his inconceivably dirty fingers, making sub-human gasps and wheezes in my general direction - I could only assume that he was no longer interested in playing with Muscles, my pet python."

"You know it's going to be a bad day when your 100% all beef hot dog comes with the disclaimer, 'At least we thought it was beef.'"

"My left hand has been possessed by Satan - it forces me to witggfhnddadffaacd IAMYOURLORDANDMASTERIREQUIREYOUTOSPILLTHE BLOODOFATHOUSANDMENWHATISANOTHERNAMEFORABLACKGOATWITHA THOUSANDYOUNGYOG-SHOTHOTHISTHEGATEKEEPTERANDTHEGATESPILL BLOODINTOTHEPENTAGRAMSIXSIXSIX ah yes, I'm back."

The Frozen Autumn - Emotional Screening Device - Sperm Like Honey

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At the behest of a friend, I am compelled to embark on a mission so terrifyingly hazardous and secretive, I would have to detonate my nuclear left front molar if my I were to fail. It is a mission to fulfill.....

....PolarBear's Friday Fun Facts Day.

FACT #1: One of my car's bumper stickers effectively has my mantra "My day isn't complete until I've terrified a complete stranger."

FACT #2: There is only one consumable that I have no willpower over when it becomes accessible: Pringles' Sour Cream and Onion Chips. I've been known to eat a large can in under five minutes. That is why I haven't had any for YEARS.

FACT #3: I stopped watching TV when they cancelled "Pinky & The Brain."

FACT #4: One of the pets I wish I had better memories of was our family's giant lop-eared rabbit named Punga-Punga. At one point she was bigger than I was.

FACT #5: At one point I was made to push a single, solitary red bell pepper in a shopping cart, through a whole grocery store. At the end of the trip, I was ordered to put the bell pepper back. This is otherwise known as the "Bell Pepper Incident."

Echo Image - Compuphonic - Standing Alone

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Well, today I found out that my supervisor forgot to tell management that I wasn't going to be working today, and instead had worked on Monday. So management was calling me to see where the hell I was.

I AM BATTLING THE BELGIAN MARINES FROM BEHIND MY KITCHEN COUNTER, THAT'S WHERE.

Apparently, the Belgian Marines had mistaken my place for the Congo. They have semi-automatic rifles, and I have kitchen knives. I feel sorry for the marines already. Of course, this conflict would have been resolved long ago if the monkeys hadn't swung out of nowhere and scattered my knives all over the kitchen floor. Oh, I also had to kill a rock python and eat it because a stray bullet disconnected my fridge. To pass the time, I made a bunch of snakescale purses. Anyone interested?

Oingo Boingo - Dark At The End Of The Tunnel - Long Breakdown

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I get quite a few requests for custom blog page changes by my blogstream friends. I am currently setting up my palette so that I can make changes in an instant. Anyone who needs a palette change, just let me know. Here's what you need to give me for a request:

1) Blog Title Color
2) Background Color
3) Blog Entry Title Color
4) Blog Body Color
5) Link Colors (My Blog: Post Message, Blog Settings, etc.)
6) The Info Link Colors (ie: Posted By....Posted When....Comments...)
7) The Sidebox Title Colors
8) The Sidebox Background Colors
9) The Sidebox Link Colors
10) The Sidebox Text Colors

Or you can just tell me to make something up. That's good too.

Keep in mind that if you want a picture for a background, I would request that you post this picture in your gallery so that I can link to it for a repeating background. This also goes if you want a picture for your blog body, or for your sidebox.

Oh, and I have to say something funny.

Uhhh....Hmmmmmm. *the pressure!*

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him." --Mark Twain

The Epoxies - Stop The Future - You Kill Me

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