I need my own gold-plated, larger-than-life SPORK. You know - JUST IN CASE.

This spork will have sharpened edges just in case I need to hack down small trees or underbrush when I'm out in the Congo. The spork will have a built in H.U.D. (Head's Up Display), and it will be able to fire surface-to-air missiles at enemy aircraft. For travel, this spork will be equipped with twin Rolls Royce JET ENGINES. The merest touch of this spork to one's forehead will cure all disease and hunger problems. SMACKING the spork against your forehead (or the foreheads of others) will instantly render the owner of the smacked forehead pleasantly drunk. Finally, this spork has the ability to turn into a toothbrush complete with a strip of toothpaste.



I'd better finish my laundary before it rises against me for leaving it in the dryer for so long.

Clan of Xymox - Xymox (original 1984 debut album!) - 7th Time

7 <--------(The Spork Chases YOU!)

And in case there are those of you who have forgotten: Yes, I *AM* mentally unstable. At least....when NO-ONE IS PAYING ATTENTION....

Anyhow, more reasons as to why I have no sanity appear in my gallery.

YOU WILL VIEW THEM.

JOIN US. WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU.

Apoptygma Berzerk - 7 - Electricity

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Just in case people were wondering, yes, I am here to stay. I blog because I have to write.

Wouldn't it be interesting if we could get miles based on our total amount of blog? And in accordance with the way my luck runs, I would be the first to have miles, with one condition from Pioneer and any other website administrator: "You have to go one-way to a place that has NO COMPUTERS."

In all honesty folks, Pioneer doesn't know I exist, yet. But that's cool for now.

In other news, I got more stickers for my car. I will not rest until I cover my car. At least I won't rest voluntarily. I'll probably fall asleep in mid-stride, making me look like I just suffered the fiercest narcoleptic attack in history.

I'll post pictures of my car and my fav stickers sometime in the future.

Apoptygma Berzerk - 7 - Love Never Dies Part 1

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Following my semi-blasphemous Pokemon tirade, I must speak honestly and sincerely about a series within that genre that really must be mentioned.

For the duration of my junior and senior years in high school, I would get up at about five fifty five in the morning, sneak into the game room of my parents house, in the bitter cold, and turn on the antiquated black and white TV to watch one show and one show only.

Monster Rancher.

That show grabbed me harder than the security agents in the Portland Airport. The monsters were original, and more "monster-ish," in my opinion. The characters were not sappy. There weren't hidden morals. It was pure adventure in an alternate land.

The characters didn't EVER make me feel like mocking them. Their lines were more realistic, more in tune with what an actual person might say. Consequently, it was probably yanked from the air due to its grimmer nature than Pokemon.

But the one thing about Monster Rancher that really grabbed me was that "death" was a possibility. In Pokemon, it doesn't matter what you're hit by, you will live with minor scratches, bruises, and soot covering your face. In Monster Rancher, even though technically every monster was a digital sprite, they could still "die," and turn into their own tombstones. There were even instances of death shrieks. It was...refreshingly real.

There were some humorous scenes, but they arose from simple character development or personality clashes, not because of slapstick from bumbling villains.

The villains in Monster Rancher were PERFECT. They were proportionally grim, but not overtly frightening, and well designed and planned. They were vicious, cold, calculating, and genuinely made people loathe them. I loved the villains and how the heros reacted to them.

With much lament, it is sad for me to say that the series remains a faded memory in my mind. I really have to seek out a DVD set if one exists.

The Frozen Autumn - Emotional Screening Device - Emotional Screening Device

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PS: Heh, the confused emoticon looks like a head with a "7" next to it. I think you'll start seeing that more often in my blogs, being inappropriately used just for a visual effect.

"BRING ME THE BODY OR BRING ME THE MAN!"

It's cool when integrated into the song, "Mantrap - The Seduction" done by Beborn Beton.

But when you yell it over the grocery store intercom, pandemonium and police ensue.



Speaking of which, that brings us to the subject of Pokemon.

It all starts out with a pre-teen who collects these monsters that start out cute and wind up (later in the series) being super-powerful brutes of mythic proportions.

But in the humble beginning, we start out with Ash . He's a beginner in the area of having made up monsters beat each other up. Not only that, he's got an Archnemesis, Gary Oak, to beat to the Final Challenge . And of course, according to all laws and regulations guiding Poke-masters, one must have spikey hair.

And so young Ash goes out and steals a bike from a the ditzy Poke-trainer girl by the name of Misty, and later collects a slightly-older Poke-trainer by the name of Brock. Ash's main Pokemon, who NEVER ACTUALLY CHANGES DURING THE WHOLE FIVE ODD YEARS OF THE SERIES is called Pikachu. Pikachu looks like someone savagely beat Winnie-The-Pooh with the Anime Stick. Pikachu also communicates by saying his name over and over again, thus making him and all the children IMITATING him one of the greatest sources of irritation Western Civilization has ever encountered.

Ash's main recurring foes are Team Rocket, who own a rare, English-speaking Meowth, a Koffing, and an Arbok. They MUST REPEAT their introductory poem EACH AND EVERY TIME they appear on the screen, because otherwise some sinister mobster pushes a button, and Team Rocket turns into Team Sushi. That's just my guess anyway. Team Rocket redefines "failure" as they desperately try to catch Pikachu every time they appear in the series. Interestingly, they are catapulted into the ionosphere at the end of their appearances, either by explosions or by voltages too terrible to contemplate being delivered by Pikachu.

But the one and only consistent feature of the film is the never-ending parade of monsters just waiting to be scooped up into plastic-clam- shell-devices. There aren't even real world animals in the game. Everything's a monster with a name that sounds like someone took the dictionary, shoved it into a blender, and just took whatever remains that sounded good. Supposedly there's almost 400 different monsters. I think they're LYING. Somewhere, in the hidden bowels of the anime realm, there are thousands of Pokemon captured and only released when Ash gets tired of beating on the same-ol' monsters. Because ASH ALWAYS WINS, unless he needs to lose to continue the series.

What surprises me is that nobody's Pokemon have turned on their masters for imprisoning them in a little red and white ball no bigger across than a pre-teen's hand. Quite frankly, aside from the severe language barrier presented in the series, Pokemon seem quite intelligent. As a supposedly-intelligent-person myself, I would find it irritating to be squashed into a ball and then thrown into random fights with other creatures clearly bigger than myself.

But that's the secret that the anime world doesn't want you to know. Pokemon are NOT INHERENTLY VIOLENT. Not in a children's show. No way. But because we are American, and we can't have anything spelled out for us, the show uses random fighting and "training" as euphemisims for HOT MONSTER SEX.

That's right. Those Pokemon LOVE each other. The huge crushing blows upside each other's heads and the electric kicks and flame breath? That's FOREPLAY. The defeat of the opponent with much action scenes and seizure-inducing flashy attacks? That's hot steamy monster sex the only way we Americans can take it.

The series still continues with even more ridiculous monsters with more and more oblique names. You know that the more "fighting" and "challenging" there is in the series, there will be more and more freakish monsters appearing later.

I really have nothing against Pokemon except for the fact that it is overhyped, ultra-cleaned up for the lowest common denominator, and is roughly predictable in each and every episode and movie. (ie: Ash is minding his own business, when new, mysterious Pokemon show up, Team Rocket happens, and huge "battles" occur. Eventually everything is cleaned up, and Ash usually walks away victorious.)

Now if you'll excuse me, my buddies have saved up for a video camera, and we're going out to watch our Pokemon "challenge" each other.

Beborn Beton - Nightfall - "Mantrap - The Seduction"

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