7

Actually, I've had peace and quiet for a while now. It all started when Anya actually tried to kill me in a fit of hormonal hysteria. I'm lucky to still have my EYES.

I started by searching on Google: "acceptable horse tranquilizers for pregnant women." Most unfortunately, there weren't any. In fact, I'm fairly certain, that if it were possible, I could hear the screams of the women who had access to my search records. But, fortunately, I came across a herbal solution.

Even now, Anya is looking and feeling a lot better. A lot more smiles and hugs, and fewer and definitely less severe mood swings. Now, for you parents out there, I'm fairly certain that as I am the newcomer to the game, what I'm detailing is old hat for you. This will be for all those who are planning.

My first problem was that I'm apparently not supposed to use tranquilizers of any sort. Not even the really mild ones. Which sort of made me feel like I had just been asked to solve a Rubix cube without using my fingers. I harnessed the power of the Internet after calling several public health institutes to hear them scream when I asked questions along the lines of:

"How many tranquilizer darts can I shoot into my wife's butt?"
"I have a few 'mickies' left over. How many can I give to a pregnant six foot seven girl?"
"Will repeated concussions have any adverse upon a woman's pregnancy?"

It seemed like I wasn't allowed to do anything. Hell, there were some sites that said we had to pay the strictest attention to whatever she ate, because even too many vitamins could have adverse effects. But - I FOUND A SOLUTION.

I went out and bought the biggest stainless steel meat tenderizer I could find. And then, I went to Costco and bought the biggest slab of meat I could lay hands on. And then, while pounding the Cthon out of the meat, I sprinkled in powdered red clover blossoms and wrapped up the thing in a layer of seaweed. I swear the whole slab was gone in two minutes and she fell asleep with a big smile on her face in fifteen.

Apparently, not only are those two ingredients quite possibly the healthiest things you can ever eat, but an ounce of red clover blossoms is also a sedative. Hell, even I'm having some. Supposedly, red clover blossom tea is really great for both male and female reproductive organs. Mmmm-hmmmm. Hint, hint, guys.

So now, I have peace, Anya has comfort, and I can sleep at night and wake up with my body in one piece. Better living through science!

Oh and remember! Lasers!


Babylon Zoo - The Boy With The X-Ray Eyes - Fire Guided Light

7

anya loves politicians, but can't eat a whole one

Step One: Have a giantress of a werewolf fall in love with him. Make her stronger, faster, and a huntress of legendary proportions - someone who can track down Seven wherever he goes.

Step Two: Put EIGHT puppies in her belly, derived exclusively from Seven Is Darker. (So much for my influence over occurrences with variable numbers.) As a courtesy to her [because she hates hospitals] I had one of my doctors make a house call. EIGHT. PUPPIES.

Step Three: Shift her into the beginning of her second trimester. This is about the time when all previous records of my witnessing female hormone levels are just thrown out of the window. Then, with Step Three read - refer back to Step One, and add together.

ANYA: "YOU DID THIS TO ME!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH!!!" (bares teeth in a very angry way and then claws a chunk out of my chair near my head)

SEVEN: (stares in horror)

ANYA: "Oh my poor baby! I've been so mean to you! I'll always love you!" (yanks me clear off the ground and cries on my shoulder)

SEVEN: (Hugs just in time to see her expression change)

ANYA: But YOU DON'T CARE!!!! (she then throws me INTO the wall)

What's even worse, is that unlike before, I can't reach around and jab her in the butt with a tranquilizer, and then tie her down to my bed until she stops misbehaving.

Ummmm... HELP!!!


Long-View - Mercury - Further

7

anya insists my face will grow back

In my most dramatic black cape, titanium gauntlets, and crimson warpaint I raised my fists high into the air, "I HAVE CREATED YET ANOTHER SOULLESS ABOMINATION!!!"

I am fortunate that Anya has developed a loving patience for my synapse-blowing outbursts. She walks in, looks down, sniffs, and leans on my shoulder, "You've created what smells like a tuna- garlic- jalopeno- pickle- mustard & mayo- rye- sandwich."

I pointed, "You will agree that it is soulless?"

She nodded.

"And you will agree that there's a very large number of people who would consider this an abomination of a sandwich?"

She nodded.

"We have..." I raised the sandwich on high, "SOULLESS ABOMINATION!!!"

I felt a sharp pressure on my back as Anya pushed herself up on my shoulders, and ate the sandwich from right between my fingers. As I checked my fingers for their structural integrity, a wet kiss planted itself on my cheeks. "Thank you for making my lunch!"


Siouxsie And The Banshees - Tinderbox - Cannons

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explosive meat geyser

As you all may have seen below, I have 49 pages of blog material! I have become 7²!!

I've also had over 5,800 visitors! And I want you to know that I appreciate you all.

And now I will play archaic DOS games in the true Seven Is Darker fashion - wearing only my signature sunglasses, standing up, wired to the gills with seven energy drinks, and crimson arcane symbols artistically drawn on my naked flesh. Anya's becoming quite the artist!

We will play Duke Nukem 3D while singing...

"I need an overdose of life,
My secret to survive,
To get a big kick out of life.
I always go against the tide,
I burn so fast but bright,
And never see the red light.

Don't keep your eyes on every step I take,
Don't restrict me in every move I make!
I wanna be free,
Just take your hands off me.
I gotta be free,
No-one else can live my life for me!

Despite of any consequence,
Whatever makes no sense,
I hold the whole world in my hands.
And when I feel I'm out of sight,
The chemical delights,
Will lead me safely through the night.

Don't tell me what I'm supposed to do,
I am the only one who pulls me through!
I wanna be free,
Why don't you let me be?
I gotta be free,
Oh, why can't you just see,
I wanna be free,
Just take your hands off me!
I gotta be free,
No-one else can live my life for me!

Don't steal the air from every breath I take,
I don't give a shit for all the rules I break!
I wanna be free,
Why don't you let me be?
I gotta be free,
Oh, why can't you just see?
I wanna be free,
Just take your hands off me!
I gotta be free!
No-one else can live my life for me!"


De/Vision - Void - Freedom

7

the anticlowns