Today (7/4) was Anya's birthday!

Some of the presents:

1) Me - naked and subservient all day long.

2) A "Teddy" (from the series "Mr. Bean")

3) Some ambient music (she likes "Deep Forest," and "Lesiem")

4) A full barbecued rack of ribs.

And this one you're not going to believe. Really. One of the gifts she wanted, and in her own words, "a bazooka." Normally she hates guns, cameras, and computers. But, after a few months of exposure, she has joined me in my thoughts about what should happen to those commuters in the morning who drive up to your apartment complex and honk their horns repeatedly at 6 AM. "Rocket-propelled nitro, that's what needs to happen to them."

Of course, her family came by to visit. All the ladies went into another room for "girl time." Which left me sitting in the living room surrounded by some of the biggest werewolves I have ever seen. To make a long story short, the primary theme of the conversation was, "How Worthy Was I?"

After a long grilling of my background (I think my best point was that my mother's side of the family comes from Ukraine), one of her numerous brothers finally brought his arms out from behind his back, and brandished a couple of fifths of vodka. All eyes were on me as he said in a very heavy Russian accent, "Tiebreaker time."

I woke up on the floor, surrounded by Anya and her family who were sitting in chairs and chatting in Russian. I bolted up and shouted, "DRUGS ARE GOOD FOR ME!!" Fortunately, that got a laugh out of everyone.

For the rest of the evening they excluded me from the conversations until they waved goodbye and left. Anya draped her arms around me. "You passed. I knew you would."

"If by 'passed,' you mean 'passed out on the floor,' then you're right. How the smeg did I pass?"

I got a lick upside the cheek, "It's not a test to see how much you can drink, but what you're really like when all your inhibitions are gone. And they liked the way you told stories about guinea pigs in bulldozers, flying dogs, and especially the last one involving the golden skull of a Incan god. They were a little worried about your sanity, but you were - under it all - quite worthy."

"But weren't stories - those were all true!"

"I think if you try to explain it further, they may have to re-evalutate."



Alter - (No Album) - The Ashes Of Life

7

my personal toothpick is a harpoon