I was eating dinner with Anya in my traditionally non-traditional way (eat dinner in any way that hasn't been published in a book) when I suddenly realized something. I nearly sat bolt upright, except for the fact that I was eating dinner lying down on the stove, and if I sat all the way upright, I would have hit my head on the hood.

"I just realized that I don't remember today! Not a single thing!"

Anya was on the counter, moderating the feeding frenzy of were-puppies and a large steak. I have never seen meat get devoured that fast. Okay, maybe once. Remember when Anya ate that jock I doped up on LSD, Ecstasy and beer? Ohhhh, she was hungry after that.

Anya reached over and patted my head. "It is just as well, dear. If you remembered EVERYTHING you did, you would be sitting on the floor, screaming and twitching."

I looked over, "I'm fairly certain that would only happen once or twice. I only TRY out the experimental psychotropic drugs, I don't get addicted to them."

Anya licked her claws clean, "Oh, it is not just that. It is all the insane things you do. Take recently, for example. Do you remember that time you overdosed on garlic?"

I searched my mind, and could only come up with a hazy memory. I looked up and watched Anya licking her claws and it hit me like a... stove hood.

I had been up late at night, for some reason, and I vaguely recall eating two whole bulbs of elephant garlic. The effect of eating these two bulbs was something akin to being drunk, only far worse. My inner ears had almost completely shut down, thus making up white, down peanuts, and left and right were replaced with styrofoam. Everything floated. In a sea of air, gravity was absolutely REPEALED. My arms and legs flowed like water in this sea. The only difference between this state and being drunk was that I could still feel.

I don't think I quite made it to bed, as drowsiness claimed me before I could even get out of my clothes. I woke up leaning on one of my floor speakers, looking up just as Anya came into the living room, holding some of the puppies. Her hand went up to her nose, "Oh my #@$%!#$% G*d. I can smell you from over here!"

I couldn't see straight, and that definitely had something to do with the fact that I ran into several walls before getting half-way across the room. I could see her putting the kids away. I vaguely recall her saying, "Okay, babies. I have to go talk with daddy, because he has been irresponsible with food again."

The lights went out, and something hit me. The room swirled and flowed like water. Which would explain why my subwoofer was floating around the ceiling. The lights slowly started to come on. I could only stare at the fuzzy columns of legs that gradually joined into a very sexy, Amazonian trunk, sprouting two very strong feminine arms, whose hands gleamed with razor sharp claws. All this was topped by a cute, fuzz-tufted neck, which grew into a WWII gas mask, complete with air hose and tank.

Her arm seemed to snake out and grab me by the collar, yanking me up to the perfectly round eye covers of the mask. "I am going to remove the garlic from your body. Trust me, this is going to hurt you way more than me."

I remember the clothes being torn... skin shredded... blood splashing... her claws plunging deep into my stomach...

A glass of orange juice splashed me in the face. Anya was sitting in the kitchen sink, smirking. "You see how it is sometimes better... not to remember?"


Moby - Play - Run On

7

irving shifty bizarre